all i can be is alyssa marie

Well, it's 5:30, and I can't sleep. I am not exactly your early bird, so I find it incredibly annoying if I am up this early, specially for no reason. I was falling asleep around midnight and for some reason, between then and now, I have woken up like 3-4 times. I don't feel OK when I get fractured sleep. I hope I'm not getting sick, and this is just one of those things. I even just bought a bedset and put it on yesterday, lol what the heck. My bed was so soft and such, I am so mad that I'm not SLEEPING IN IT!

In other news, it has actually been sunny for 2 days now, I hope today brings sun too. Not that it's a huge difference, I don't really go out anyway, but it's always nice to see the sunshine through my blinds. :)

I got my car registered yesterday, that was exciting. Now I can drive around without being paranoid. I probably wont get my tags until Wednesday though, but that's okay. Now I just need to figure out what the fuck is in my car that's making it leak... I really hope it stays dry enough long enough for us to figure it out & get it fixed. My car is like going to start growing mold :(

Well, Nick left on the 19th. We woke up, he packed his little bag of stuff he could bring, and we headed out. We left early so we could pay his cellphone bill, and the place wasn't even open by 9AM, which I thought was weird. So we went and got some coffee right next to the recruiters office at Starbucks instead. It was the last quality time we were to spend together for a while. I think I had cried so much on and off the day before, that "The Day" wasn't too hard. We pulled up to the recruiters station, and of course his whole family was there. I think it kind of stressed Nick out a little bit, just because it made him feel like it was this HUGE deal (even though it was), but he just doesn't like to feel like that. A couple of his friends showed up that didn't have to work, which was nice. I'm sure it made him happy. Of course, my Nicklebutton never fails to forget something, lol, and he forgot his Debit card, so he had to take mine. Kind of sucks because now I have to re-order one for myself. Oh well, I will live.

Anyways, so what has happened SINCE then is that he went to MEPS that day, and Ft. Leonardwood in Missouri reported to MEPS that they were full and no longer excepting anymore recruits, so Nick and 5 other guys got transferred to Ft. Jackson, in South Carolina. I think Nick was a little upset about this because he detests North Carolina, haha... But they are two different states, and he'll grow to learn that. He got to ATL earlier today (well yesterday since it's technically the 21st now), and they had a 4 hour bus ride to SC, then 36 hour processing from there. They took his phone and iPod after the lecture on the bus (or before they got on the bus), so my contact with him now is very limited and I won't talk to him again until they give him the phone call home. After that we will be writing regularly. I can't wait.

But with all that being said, I think I am doing fairly well with my emotions. I know that some days are going to be harder than others, but I will make it through. I know that as much as I am loving and missing him, he is doing just the same. It's rougher for me at night, because night time is harder to keep myself busy than it is in the day time. I have Brandi here for now, but she is moving out on Saturday, she has been a great help, ever since I met her generally, but specially since Nick has left. My dad will be staying with me the whole time, but it just makes me sad that now my bestie is moving out too. Luckily she's still trapped in the same town as me ;). I have a lot of supportive people here for me, so I am not the one I am worrying about. It's Nick. I hope that he is able to make some good friends along the way, and has some people to talk to for support. I know guys are different than girls and they just don't openly talk about their feelings... But I know that there are going to be other guys there that just got married, and are spending there first chunk of away time from their wives too. It will help if he can talk it out I think :)

Anyways, I just keep praying and keeping faith to get me through the day, weeks, months, then I am hoping it will come before you know it and I will be visiting my loverbum. I have been feeling great and I want to keep it that way. And on that note - I think I am going to go to sleep, this is the first time i've been up this long in a while haha. Goodnight <3


Xx,
Alyssa

Well, last night Brandi & I went to a healing convention at the local Civic Center. It was put on by Bethel Church I believe, but thousands of people from around the world went. The worship was great! I don't go to church often, but when I do, I just feel Jesus flowing through my veins from the sound of the music. Specially when it's concert-style. After the worship the pastor talked about the words of knowledge and he had people will terminal diseases, and cancer raise their hand. Now I didn't go to this thing expecting a miracle, I actually went to see miracles happen. It's the most amazing thing. But Hundreds of people lain their hands on me and the people who couldn't reach me put their arms towards me, and everyone just prayed. It was so powerful and selfless. I've never really ever experienced a love like that. It is so refreshing to know that their actually ARE good people in this world, and that it's not completely full of assholes. Anyways, a lot of people who had surgeries on their backs and things like that, got healed and it was a miracle! We watched them bend in ways they never could before, right infront of our eyes. God is so AMAZING! Tonight is the last day it will be held for this year, in Redding. I don't think I will be going because the service literally is almost like 5 hours, and I can sit still for that long :( If it wasn't so cramped I would. But I am just so blessed to have been able to see all those miracles and feel the love of people and God last night. I am so happy that Brandi was there with me. There is nothing like holding your best friends hand in a moment like that. :)

Nick leaves on Monday already, I think I am kind of numb to it now. I am sure that I will be a big bawl baby as soon as it comes time to say good-bye. But we made a promise that every night at 8pm California time and 10pm Missouri time, we are going to think about each other. It will be a good way to comfort each other when we can't be there for each other physically. I am just excited for him, I know this will be good for him, and I have a hunch he's going to make some good friends. I just have to pull my part and keep myself healthy. My biggest fear is having me get sick, and him being out there feeling helpless for me.

That's about all for now, ciao! xx Godbless.

Toiletseatitis - Commonly known as "Put the toilet seat down when you are finished". Symptoms include, but are not limited to; forgetting to put the toilet seat down after peeing, spots of pee on the rim of the toilet bowl, splatters of pee on the floor, and other bizzare findings, varying from male to male.

Shavers Syndrome - Commonly known as "What the hell?" Symptoms include, but are not limited to; leaving pubic-hair-like-after-shavings around and in the sink, leaving razor out, once again, other bizzare findings, varying from male to male.


I am here to raise awareness of these two very annoying illnesses that are commonly found in men. Please tell me I am not the only wife who suffers? Support group, anyone?


LOL.

Woah, it's so weird to hover over the time on the computer and have it say '2010'.

Anyway, 2010 didn't really come in with a big bang or anything, but we did go to a little get together... it was kind of depressing. It's like everything and everyone about last year was washed away. New friends, new resolutions, new jobs, new cities, new things happening.

I never really do new years resolutions, only because no one and I mean no one that I know actually follows it throughout the whole year. It's almost just an excuse to make new goals, when you really can do that at anytime. This whole year isn't promised anyways, so why not make a goal while you can? My 'goal' for the first couple months is to excel in my health, specifically getting rid of this bug that I have in my lungs, and to gain some more weight, maybe be at 110. With Nick leaving, it's going to be weird starting the year off without him, but I am strong, and I will get through. I just hope I am not stressed too much. I've never done a long distance relationship... not a serious one anyways, unless you count like 5th grade on the internet, lolol. But yeah, I am going to pretty much rock this new year out of the world. I want to toast to good health, prosperity and a lot of love!

Well, recently some things have been happening with my dad and his wife, so he is going to come to California again and he will be staying with me. I am honestly so excited, I was afraid I wasn't really going to get the help that I needed without Nick here because sometimes my health get's a little goofy and I literally need assistance up the stairs. Lol, talk about an old fart. I can't walk up stairs, I got bad knees, I can't hear ya, and to top it off, I need a placard for my car. Hahahahaha, I love it. I am getting old. But fuck that, I will get better, just takes some time, patience, good mind set compliance, and support. But yeah, so he will be here for I dont know how long, but he is good company, and he is like a best friend, so I am excited to help him out, because he's always been here for me!

Hmm nothing else is new really, I cooked some good dinner though, lol I should be a chef. I don't even know why but when I start cooking I am totally in a different mind set, is anyone else like that? I like to cook by taste. My grandma raised me, so I am used to cooking homemade meals and using the good shit, like real butter, whole milk... etc. Gotta fatten up somehow. :)

Okay, well I am going to go, Ciao! <3
xx