all i can be is alyssa marie

It's 3:49 and I can't sleep, I'm in the hospital and the only sound I hear is the sound of silence echoing in my ears, or maybe it's just the blood flowing in my ears. I'd really like to go home and get back into the swing of things. But it's kind of nice to be able to have that break when you are sick, and have the nurses do your meds for you... but you gotta remember - don't get used to it, because no ones going to do it for you when you get home! Or at least no one is for me, anyways. I'm a little skeptical on how Tri-Care works with hospital stays. I forget what the percentage is that they pay for the bill. I know what it is for prescriptions, but I don't know for hospital stays. I guess we'll see.

On a different note, why are some people so fucked up? I really will never understand. I don't even know why I became friends with her in the first place, but I did, and I regret it. What kind of 'best friend' tells another friend to die? specially when they have a chronic illness... and not only to die, but to rot in hell? That's pretty pathetic. But of course, she would never have the heart to say it to my face... because she has no heart at all. I really don't think she knows what love actually is, which is a bummer considering she's married. Oh well, that friendship was toxic, and it was making me extremely sick, and I am just so glad that she is finally out of my life, and across the country... for good. I don't ever want to see her face, or anything that reminds me of her. I've never actually wanted to physically hurt somebody before, but if I had to pick a person, she would definitely be it.

I guess i'm going to go... I just felt like saying whatever was on the top of my mind, since no one is online to talk to. Hopefully 30 minutes will fly by, and I can have my medicine, and then go to bed. Yup.