I can't sleep.

My sleeping pattern is all sorts of f'ed up. Not to mention I am having hot flashes to the extreme.

I was laying in bed, and so many things have been running through my mind, that my mind is on like speed mode. I am so excited to start my life with Nick, but I am so torn by it at the same time. No one really knows what my health is doing, but it scares me, it scares me that something might happen to me and I will never be with Nick again. I want to pray, so I will do so out-loud, I hope no one is offended by this. You shouldn't be, though.


I pray that no matter what day it is, that you instill courage and faith into all of our lives. That we all have someone to look up to, and that we all have goals through out our lives. God, I just want to ask that you put all of your love and warmth into the arms of the many families who've lost their loved ones this year. Lord I ask selflessly that you give me the strength to go on while Nick is in boot camp, and to become better for him, for me. I also pray that you put your loving arms around my family, and give them the faith and hope to not give up on me. You are the glory and my cement block to my life. Lord, you have given me hope when I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I have heard your voice roar across the heavens into my heart, and felt the warmth of your sweet breath. Lord, God, please let the weak understand that you have a bigger plan for us than we know. I have faith in you Lord, and I love you with all of my heart. Amen.

I'm not afraid to admit that I am scared. But I am not scared of death itself, just the amount of time it may come in. I want to experience life before I go. I also want to be here for Nick as much as I can. He means the world to me, and I don't think that words can express my love for him. I know that it's hard for him to see me like this, and it's got to be harder knowing that in a few weeks, he wont be able to be here for me. He is truly the strongest man i've met in my days. I want nothing but happiness for him, and I want us to be happy together, for as long as God chooses us to be so.

I think I just needed to get some thoughts out of my head, because I have nothing else to really say now. Maybe I can make some food and be tired. Goodnight!

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